I remember the tears we both shared when we parted. And I was the reason why she left, If I didn't hurt her, she's probably still here.
"Please, don't leave me. You promised me, Zach. You promised me you won't leave! You swore to God that even if you don't love me, you'll stay by my side."
Her desperate cries, begging me to stay was like a knife stabbing me in the gut.
Why is she not getting mad? she should've slap me, punch me!
God, baby. Be angry! I cheated on you! break up with me! Don't fucking beg.
Don't lower yourself for me.
"I don't care about her! It's been years! Haven't you forgot everything about her? Zach, for four years, I'm the one who stood by your side. Even just a tiny bit of love, didn't you love me? I'm asking you, maybe that's enough reason for you to stay!"
When she said that, my heart broke into pieces,her thoughts are different from mine, But i let her think that way, because it's better for her to hate me.
"I do, Wy. But Ibelina's...---" She cut me off.
"Please don't tell me that, please! Don't you pity me, at least? Zach, this is me, the woman who stayed, the woman who fought with your everyday battle, the one you're always with. I'm that person. Ibelina is not the woman who saved you from drowning! It is I! and I gave you everything without asking for compensation."
I kept mum, she's right. She's been with me since i was left alone. She saved me from sinking, and she never asked me for anything but my love, yet I'm doing this to her.
"Were the years we spent with each other are useless? I fckng accepted whatever you could give me. So just this once, please don't leave, I'm begging you. Don't leave me."
Her eyes look at me pleadingly. "This is my only request, so please do me a favor, Zach. Just this once."
I couldn't speak, I'm just looking down on her crying form while she's begging me not to leave.
I love Wyett, in a way i know how to love, but Ibelin told me she's pregnant.
And I don't want to cheat on her anymore, it's better if we end our relationship like this. In that way, we won't suffocate each other with these one sided relationship.
"I'm leaving." I said after a long silence.
"No!" She shouted and plugged herself on me.
"I don't want to! I will never let you go, and you won't leave me! I-I can s-share..."
My forehead creased, is she crazy?! Why would she say that?
"W-we can compromise, just don't leave m-me."
"Do you hear yourself? You're lowering your dignity for a man? See, Wyett? You've changed, you're desperate and you only think about yourself, don't make me your fcking obsession." I said cruelly while clenching my jaw.
This fcking frustrating, She should never do that!
She gaped, her face tells me, she couldn't accept what she just heard from my mouth.
"You never love me at all.." her became passive and cold.
That's right, hate me Wyett. C'mon, hate me and curse me, do that baby.
I don't deserve your love so hate with all your heart.
I don't deserve you.
After that, I tried my best not to cross path with her, but sometimes, life is playing with me. I often see her whenever she goes to my cousin's bar and drown herself with alcohol. So what I usually do is guard her from afar and call one of her cousin to fetch her drunk as/s.
If i didn't accidentally slept with Ibelin, this would never happen.
But I cheated on her and she doesn't deserve that. No woman, deserve a man who can't remain faithful to them.
Everything i did were douche move. I regret it all, but what more can I do?I need to take responsibility from my mistake.
My relationship with Ibelin continued, but unlike to what others expected, I remained civil.
I'm with her because I'm the father of her child and I'm taking responsibility for it.
"I came back because I thought you love me still! and you made me feel like I'm still the one in your heart! Because you told me you love me, and something happened between us! So what bullshit is this, Zachary?!"
She's crying and shouting crazily but I let her do what she want. I know i can't calm her down so why bother?
Because what's more to say? If can't even understand my own self, how can i understand others?
I'm probably here but my heart is with Wyett.
"For god's sake! you told me you love me! and I accepted that, I was hoping we could go back in time and fix our relationship and you told me it's okay! So I gambled! Fvck you, Zach! I risked my life because I love you, and that I'm still the one! How dare you play with my feelings!" Her voice wavered.
This crazy, she's crying in front of me but my heart is not aching unlike how I felt when Wyett cried in front of me.
All I could feel is sorry towards her. .
"You're so fucked up! All this time I thought you matured, that you finally grew up. But you're still the same fucked up man met in the past." She mocked.
She's right. I'm fucked up, but I was never like this when I was with Wyett, she made me a man, so why can't I do the same with Ibelin?
"Let' stop fighting." I said, dismissing our conversation. I don't want us to fight, All I wanted is to take responsibility to our situation.
"No! you stop! How dare you show me your thick face and say you love me when you clearly don't!"
When did I fucking said I love her?! For fucks sake i never told her that!
"Then what do you want?!" My patience is running out, for the love of God, what more does she want me to do?!
Ibelin suddenly took a step backward, she look scared. She look so fcking scared just because I raised my damn voice.
She's far different from Wyett. If this is Wy, she will glare at me and reprimand me not to raise my voice on her because I have no rights to do that.
I cussed inside my head.
Fuck! why do I keep comparing them? Putangina, Ibelin is the woman I'm with now, not Wyett or anyone.
"Hurt her! Tell her you're done with her, return all her belongings! I don't want to sight anything that would remind me of her! Prove to me that I'm the one you love, because you chose me, Zach! you chose me and our baby!"
"Do that or I'll take this away from you."
Bloody hell, she had got the guts to threaten me with the baby inside her womb?
I got mad, fckng mad, but I gave what she wanted, because I'm afraid she'll stay true to her words.
I called Wyett to meet me up and when I saw her, my breath hitched.
My chest iss pounding hard and loud just by the mere sight of her.
She look.... Different but she still look beautiful.
Her charcoal black hair is shining against the sunlight, she's looks so regal.
I felt my heart tightened.
''Wyett" When she saw me and hear my voice, her eyes glimmer.
Fck this, my conscience is killing me inside. I'm so afraid on breaking her smile but what do I expect? We're both bound to hurt each other.
"You need something?" she asked, I missed her subtle voice.
I couldn't answer her immediately, I spaced out while staring at her beautiful face.
We look at each other's eyes, full of longing.
I miss her gaze, I miss the way she always look at me lovingly.
"Is there something wrong?"
I wanted to answer her 'Yes', That something is wrong and I want her to give me a hug, because I needed that.
I need her body against me.
I also wanted to tell her how much missed her but that was just so wrong.
But instead, I said...
"I just want to return this" I put down the box in front of her.
I actually never thought of giving those back because I wanted her to remain in my system, even if it means just having the things she once gave me.
"What's that?" As she tilt her head, she gaze at me, confused.
"I'm sorry, Aud."
I'm sorry if I broke my promise, I'm sorry for not manning up and I'm sorry for hurting you over again.
"I.. I'm just confused, I cannot let myself get in tangled with you, I.. I need to cut our ties... fully." Lies, those were lies.
But Ibelin is right, If i really want to take full responsibility, I had to man up. I can't just continue being an ass when I'm about to build my own family.
I know I can love Ibelin, It won't be impossible because I loved her first. I knew she's a great person and my brain is telling me i could love her again, especially now that we're having a child. But my heart is not helping me, I could feel that my heart beats for this woman in front of me, but that's bullshit. I caused her enough damage, there is no room for prolonging this anymore.
Wyett mouth parted, she couldn't believe me. I sighed heavily.
"I can't lose her" Yes, I can't lose our baby, That's the only reason why I'm keeping myself sane.
It was hard to see her shed a tear for me, she kept asking me question and I don't want to give her hope so I answered her cruelly.
"Is she jealous?"
She is, but it wasn't her fault. It's my mistake, I chose to be with her but I couldn't assure her about my feelings, It's funny how i can't even force my self to love her again.
I left Wyett in the coffee shop with a heavy heart.
I wanted to punch my self that time, So when King found out i made her cousin cry, he beat me to death. I didn't fought back, It's something that is Inevitable to happen.
King was furious but I deserve every beat he gave me.
My relationship with Ibelin continued, it was a rough journey, no matter what i say or what i do, we always end up fighting for the same reason. Wyett.
I was getting tired, I knew I was wrong so i tried making up with her, I tried giving her what she want because I don't want to hurt her, but whatever i do, things will remain the same.
Love her or not, either way she'll get hurt.
Until I lost my child.
She killed our baby. I was furious, she aborted my child without my consent and she fcking came to quack doctor that it nearly killed her!
I lost the sole reason for continuing my life.
She fucking killed my child because of her selfishness. I was so angry and Ibelin is crazy, she told me it was my fault why she did that.
She told me it's because I couldn't love her.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to punch a woman.
In just a blink of an eye, I lost everything. That baby is the only reason why I'm barely hanging with my life, and Ibelin took that life away from me.
I lost Wyett, and now I even lost the baby.
Like every breakups, we parted ways with grudges, Ibelin was so mad at me, but what more can I do, but I'm more angry to her. What worse, she didn't even feel a slightest guilt inside after doing that to her own child.
All she could think is how can't love her.
I called her parents, she needed a treatment, her way of thinking is no longer normal.
When I was left alone, I realised then how chaotic my life is. It all fell apart when I left Wyett, when I cheated on her. It fucked me up when i broke the heart of the person i truly love, and even if I want to go back, I know i had no home to welcome me.
I wanna say sorry, I want to beg but in the end, I drown my self with alcohol.
I mourned alone, I also neglected the company. My mom was on the verge of firing me until one day.. I found Wyett standing in front of my door step.
I was perplex, but at the same time an emotion rose inside my body, why is she here?
Without further ado, my hand encircled around her body. God, is she for real or I'm too drunk and I'm hallucinating?
I thought if i beg, she would hear me out.
I thought if i told her I love her, she could at least open her heart again but we just fought.
She told me things...
Things she experienced when I left her, and I regret it so much.
"Tell me! fuckn tell why can't i go?! why should i stay just because you fuck*ng begged?! When i pleaded! when i fuckn cried and crawl, you didn't stay! so tell me, who gave you the privilege to demand?! I love you so much but you hurted me a lot!"
She's in madness, and I blame myself from turning this woman into what she is now. I broke her, so I wanted to fix her again, selfish it may be but I want her again. I want to make it up with her.
I want her bad.
I told her her to stay by my side and I thought she left the next day, but she was cooking me a meal.
My heart thump so bad I could go crazy.
This was the feeling I've been missing ever since.
Seeing her in front of me, doing the things we used to to do, I felt happy.
Happiness that both of us deprive ourselves for months.
And i wanted to tell her how broken I am, and how I lost a child i wasn't even able to see, but my guts left me. How can I, when all those things happened because of me? Everything was my fault.
The lingering hope inside me vanished in thin air when she spoke at me, darkly.
"I have a proposal"
Wyett look determined, and I can see it in her face, she made up her mind, and so, she came up with that plan.
"Let's try, for two months...." her voice cracked. "Let's be together"
Then I saw her tears silently fell from her eyes.
Seeing her cry like that, its making me insane. And knowing I'm the reason for it, it makes me want to torture myself.
She's giving me two months.
Is she giving me a chance? Does she want me to prove myself again with those months?
I could try.
I will try because I want to win her heart again. I can take any offer just to have her.
During the first week, she's different.
Our situation is different from what I imagine, I actually thought, we're good.
But my problem is, she doesn't even talk to me, she's too silent that it suffocate us.
On the other hand, she still does what she used to do when we were together, but I felt it. The Wyett I'm with now is different from the Wyett i once had.
Do when i confronted her, she burst out like a raging flame.
"Why? You're seriously asking me why?! Why don't you ask yourself why did i fckng change? I wonder who made me like this." She's hysteric but the tone of her voice is taunting me.
Fvck, I should try on bringing back her trust, not fight or trigger her anger! Damn it, what have I done?
"Do you even realize the damage you've caused me? You made me question my worth! Of all people, you! You who told me will stay by my side. God, I shove my digtinity down to my throat even if you can't love me the way I love you, because that's fine! Hell, Everything is fine as long as I love you and you stay by my side. I mean, there is no rule that says a man should love his woman the same intensity his woman does. But do you know what hurts me the most? It's when i realised, the love you gave me is not the love you're suppose to give to your partner. You gave me a love that's shallow, you didn't love me as a woman but as your friend." She spoke bitterly.
I was shaking my head, I kept telling her that's not true because she's wrong! She should never think like that, I love her!
But who am I to demand when in the first place, I never really made her feel my heart.
I forgot to give her assurance, She's right, I don't deserve her.
She's breathing heavily, I was scared that she'll run away from me but I didn't expect it when her voiced suddenly calmed down and refused to even look at me.
No, I know that look. Damn it!
I walk towards her and hugged her tight like a scared boy, afraid of losing his beloved.
"I'm sorry." She spoke under me. My body went rigid, why is she saying sorry? For what?
"No, I'm sorry." I said, because I'm the one who should always ask for forgiveness. Between the two of us, I'm the one who's at fault, I'm the one who should ask for forgiveness.
Wyett got a point, and I need to understand that she may have accepted me but her heart can't still let me in.
My hug tightened.
"I love you." I told her with all my heart.
After that fight, both of us tried to be fine. We acted like nothing happened.
Pretend till you make it, they said.
"Asshole, i don't care if you both are together, im asking why are you here------ WHAT?! TOGETHER?!"
Wyett cousin glared at me, she's fuming mad but i didn't care that much. She has all the rights to get angry, but i was so pissed off when she insulted her cousin in front of me.
No matter how angry she can be, she's still got no rights to speak ill on Wyett.
"Hah! You had the guts to spout those words?! compare to the both of us you have no rights! you were the one who disrespect her the most! and between the two of us you are the a*shole!! you damn hypocrite!"
I had no intention on answering her because every word she said were true.
The moment Flame left, Wyett mood changed. It was funny how my girl thought I was pissed on what happened just because i kept mum. The truth is... I was thinking on how can I fix things that i once broke?
I was bothered by that thought.
Everything went smoothly, I was busy with our company but I made sure I can spare some time for Wyett, We agreed that we'll take our relationship seriously and we avoided repeating the mistakes we did in the past.
That's how we came up with with fixing our schedule. She no longer takes 37 hours of duty. Instead, she settled in 12 hours and she's free every saturday and Monday.
I liked our set up now, In the past, both of us were workaholic, and barely had time for each other.
I thought i could finally figure her out, but I was wrong. When I came home, she was gone, I don't know what has gotten to me but I felt scared, the side of my head kept telling me, she left me. Even though her clothes were still inside our closet.
"I need a favour."
He sighed. "Man, what is it?"
"Help me find Wyett, her plate number is...." I told him the plate number over the phone.
"You two are back? What about Ibelin?"
"Don't ask. Just do me a favor." Matalim kong sabi.
"Tsk. Fine, give me ten minutes."
I waited until he found her exact location. My brow furrowed when he said she's staying in a hotel. Thankfully. Darwin gave me a complete information.
"You think I can't find you, huh?" I spoke dangerously, pero hindi nya ako matignan man lang, fuck. What more do i need to do? Every damn day, I worry that she might leave, that any moment she would vanished.
This is my last straw so I'm treasuring it, but fuck.
She feels so distant.
"I'm.. I'm not hiding" she whispered.
"You!---" I took a deep breath, I don't want to lash out. "I know what's going on that little head of yours, Wyett!Ever since that cousin of yours meddled, you acted strange again! I don't give a single fvcck about anything anymore and I just want to focus on you. But baby…"
Slowly. I let her go and looked at her with pleading eyes.
"I want this to work out.."
I'm getting desperate, God knows how much i want to save this relationship. I don't care if we're barely surviving, I just want her to... Love me again.
I sighed heavily when Wyett and Maze started to have a drunk conversation.
Both of them are laughing with each other and then after that, they will cry.
I stopped myself from getting on their way because they both needed each other's company, but not when they started dancing and dry humping people.
Oh, God. Women.
Good thing I knew who's Maze husband because he's an acquaintance and I called him before things got out of control.
When he arrived, we both took our wasted girl away from the dance floor.
I simply nod my head.
"No problem, Take care of her. "
He sighed. "She's one hard headed woman, you know." and he chuckled.
What do we even expect to the woman we love, they're hard to control, and what worse, they're friends. They share the same fucking braincells, both like to runaway.
" I have a boyfriend!" Wyett screamed when i carried her, and she kept punching me.
I shook my head with disappointment, she can't even recognise me.
I had no choice but to make her lose consciousness.
"I… have.. a booy...friend" she said before she passed out.
I know, baby, and that's me. I bent down and kissed her forehead.
I was caught off guard when Wyett told me she wants us to take a quick vacation. I gave her what she wished for and didn't question her why, even though I had a hunch. That's because I thought she only wanted to have some fun.
But all along, I was wrong.
Five days in the Island and we're both having the time of our life, we enjoyed the adventures and I couldn't get enough of her.
The days passed by peacefully, yet not in our last day.
She's acting strange, but I bought her alibi. Maybe she's just really tired, afterall, all the activities we did required physical strength.
Morning came and we're leaving, but I noticed how her eyes are a little puffy.
"Your eyes are swollen. Did you cry?"
"No." She answered but I sensed lies.
What's wrong with her? I wanted to ask again but didn't want to piss her off.
She'll get angry if I ask further.
Stirred in my sleep, my eye automatically looked for Wyett, she's not beside me. I don't know but I suddenly went cold. My heart kept beating drastically, I ran outside, Only to see her back, crying.
And she's carrying a bag with a passport on her hand.
"I knew, you were up to something."
I know, I felt it. I'm not stupid not to sense her plan, I was just denying it because, you know, I'm probably wrong. I mean, how could she when we're doing fine?
She's leaving me and I feel so fckng scared. ..I thought I did everything, because when we're together, it feels different. When we're together, we're contented. So why is she leaving me?
"Z-Zach..." She turn around only for me to see her swollen red eyes.
If she's afraid of leaving me, then why is she trying to? We both could live together, God. I even thought of marrying her!
"I felt it, You were weird. B-but Wy, I tried..." I couldn't finish my word because of the lump in my throat.
I was running out of breath.
Is this the same pain she felt when i left her? Is she getting back at me?
Her parted lips and dumbfounded eyes were shivering.
I could still pursue her, right? She loves me, I know that. I felt that, and that's why I kept fighting for us!
Because i knew how exhausted she is, I knew the pain she felt when I broke her, I'm trying to make it up.
God knows how much I tried.
Was is not enough reason for her to stay?
"God, please stop scaring me? C-come back here, Wyett. Baby, come back."
I raise my arms in mid air, hoping she will run to my embrace, but much to my disappointment, shook her head.
I couldn't take it anymore, Tears stream down my face. And when they started falling, I couldn't stop them.
I look down, shut my eyes tightly. Is this for real? She's really leaving me, huh.
I wanted to ask why, were my efforts aren't enough? What does she need? Maybe i can give it to her. Is it space? Time? I can take that, as long as I can still see her. I can take anything she'll offer.
But she didn't offer me anything.
She never gave me an option.
Wyett slowly walked towards me, the closer she gets, the more my heart shattered.
I gaze down on her face, she's crying but she look so pacefull and it scared me to the core.
She's in peace.
She's fine even without me in her life.
I stubbornly shook my head, No. I refuse to acknowledge those thoughts. How can she be fine if she's leaving me behind?
That's just bullshit!
"Don't look at me like that! I can feel that I'm losing you! Please, Wy. Baby, please."
I begged. If she wants me to kneel and kiss her toes, I will! Fck, I can do anything.
I'm willing to do anything just to stop her from leaving me!
"Hush" The tip of her finger touch my lips, we stared at each other eyes.
Mine is begging, while hers were calm like the moon.
"Don't cry, we both saw this coming didn't we?" She's right, and i shouldn't have agreed to her, I shouldn't have accepted her demand but fucking hell. I did! I did because i was very confident on winning her back, I was sure I can fix her.
"We just kept refusing to admit it, but we already know that this will happen."
Her siren voice broke all my foundation, and the moment she encircled her arms around me. I totally lost it.
I hugged her back, afraid to let her go.
"Stay.. Please, baby. Don't leave me." and I cried in her arms.
No, don't say sorry. Why are you saying sorry? You'll never leave me so stop saying sorry! Damn it.
Wyett tried getting away from my embrace but i refuse to let her go. How could I, when i know the moment she leave, She'll take my heart with her.
"Please, Don't make me hate you." I went rigid.
"Let go." My body obeyed her like an automatic machine when i heard her cold voice.
"I love you, Wyett." That's the only thing i could say and I was praying to all the Gods to hear her answer me.
But maybe, fate cursed me.
Because she didn't and she simply walked away with that damned passport.
"I love you!" I shouted desperately.
I fckng love her! Isn't that enough reason for her to stay?
"Wyett!" desperation and pain, could be heard.
While running after her, I screamed again, and just like a stone cold, she never look back.
Until she the sight of her vanished in my eyes, I stood on my ground, wishing she will comeback.
With a heavy beating of my heart, I whispered in thin air, hoping that the wind will tell her how much i love her.
"I'll be waiting for you, so comeback."
Because if she won't I will forever remain a scarred man.
"Have you heard?" Silver, who's in my office and pestering me from time to time spoke.
"Not interested." I mutter coldly.
"Oh, c'mon. Don't be such a pussy, Man."
My brow creased. This bastard, just because he got her wife back, he's now pissing me to the core.
"Don't you have work to do? go back to your company."
He laughed, the bastard just laughed.
My mouth parted.
I glared at him, thinking that he's probably just fooling me, but Silver only nod his head.
"Yes, she and my wife just had a dinner date last night."
I couldn't talk, I don't know what to say or how to react.
Suddenly, my heart jump out of my chest.
"What are you going to do? C'mon, we're not getting any younger, Man. You need to settle down soon."
"Win her back, of course."
And a grin formed my lips.